Police in Amsterdam responded to an emergency call last Tuesday when a concerned neighbour called to report domestic violence. When officers arrived at the property they heard screaming coming from inside, so they kicked in the door, only to realise, when a man wearing headphones appeared, that the “terrifying screams” that had been reported were actually a man singing along to opera.
Tag Archives: police
Did you really mean that?
A 10-year-old Muslim boy was interviewed by police in Lancashire after he mistakenly wrote at school that he lived in a “terrorist house” rather than a “terraced house”. Muslim fans of Lulu’s hit Eurovision single, “Boom Bang-a-Bang”, have reportedly gone into hiding.
I get the picture
In Chicago, a man has lost out on a conditional job offer after “accidentally” sending two nude photos of himself to the HR Manager before phoning her. He said the pictures were meant for someone else.
Although some Britons believe American people are not good at understated humour, the investigating Police Chief, Michael Ruth, said, “My understanding is they’ve rescinded the offer of employment.”
Not enough coppers
The UK Police Federation has reported that cars without sirens have been used by the West Midlands force to respond to emergencies. Unfortunately, these cars have to obey speed limits and all other rules of the road, leading to delays in response times. The Federation blames cost-cutting.
Expensive radios are also in increasingly short supply. Patrols operating within one mile of the police station are now using two cans joined by string to communicate with the dispatchers, although teething problems have been experienced, not least the tendency for the patrols to move in a circular pattern around the station.
Other cutbacks include police officers wearing their own clothes to work. They are encouraged to be ‘smart casual’, although they do have ‘dress down’ Fridays when they can wear jeans. This is useful if they are trying to blend in with revellers at the start of a weekend. Due to confusion over which officers are ‘uniform’ and which are ‘plain clothes’, however, the force is thought to be looking into the costs of having T-shirts printed with the slogan, “I’m PC”.
Going straight
I enjoyed watching “Crimewatch” on the BBC last night (a factual programme attempting to generate leads in actual police investigations).
Not only did they have a Detective Chief Inspector called DCI Bent investigating one of the crimes, but they also premiered what, I believe, is a new method of tracking down criminals. The tactic is to humiliate them on national TV in the hope that they will call in to protest. One of the suspects was described as having “a long, pointy nose”.
Captain, the bladder cannae take it!
According to recent reports on the BBC, a man was confronted by Belfast police in July last year while he was urinating in the street. As the police stopped to talk to him, he started walking away with his genitals still exposed. When asked for his name, he replied, “I’m Captain Picard of the Starship Enterprise.” He then started punching and kicking the officers before being “calmed down” with CS spray.
I don’t think he really thought through his defence strategy.
Firstly, Captain Picard would never initiate unprovoked violence.
Secondly, I don’t recall him ever urinating in a public place.
Thirdly, I’ve watched a lot of Star Trek, and I am sure that Captain Picard never walked around the Enterprise with his genitals exposed.
There was no way the police were going to believe he was the real Captain.
That’s criminal
Official figures published today show crime in England & Wales fell by 10% in the year to September 2013. Some say, however, that the figures are under-reported, due to policemen having their pencils stolen.
It is also felt by many older people that today’s youth get away with murder when it comes to speaking and writing properly, and I don’t think the stats include Justin Bieber’s latest criminal record either.
The Bieb has just been arrested for driving under the influence of drink, marijuana and prescription drugs. Apparently, one of his CDs was stuck on play in the car, and he was doing everything he could to blot it out. Now he knows how we feel.
Recent funnies 