Food, glorious food!

NHS England is banning super-sized chocolate bars from hospital shops, introducing a 250 calorie limit for sweets, a 400 calorie limit for pre-packed sandwiches, and a 5 gram added sugar limit per 100ml of drinks. At this rate it won’t be long before people don’t want to be in hospital anymore.

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Every cloud has a silver lining

It has been revealed that a patient in Dumfries and Galloway was kept in hospital for 508 days in 2013/14, waiting for a discharge. He has since been signed to appear in the latest Viagra advert.

You can ring my bell

The Surrey Mirror (Thursday 4 September) has a story headlined “Fire crew cut ring off of man’s penis”.
It reports that firefighters were deployed to the local hospital to remove a ring that had got stuck on a man in his 60s. I quote:
“Firefighters spent an hour removing the offending item after selecting the most appropriate tool for the job.”