NHS England is banning super-sized chocolate bars from hospital shops, introducing a 250 calorie limit for sweets, a 400 calorie limit for pre-packed sandwiches, and a 5 gram added sugar limit per 100ml of drinks. At this rate it won’t be long before people don’t want to be in hospital anymore.
It has been revealed that a patient in Dumfries and Galloway was kept in hospital for 508 days in 2013/14, waiting for a discharge. He has since been signed to appear in the latest Viagra advert.
A major trial of a drug to treat mild dementia due to Alzheimer’s disease has ended in failure, when doctors forgot where they’d put it.
A recent report from Public Health England has said that older people are living longer.
Isn’t that what makes them older?
“Well, Fiona, these babies, they can be brown, they can be blue, they can be violet sky, they can be hurtful and they can be purple. In fact, Fiona, they can be anything you like.”
“Thank you, Cathy. Cathy Robbins, our South America correspondent, reporting there on the spread of the Mika virus.”
There are calls in the UK for homeopathic medicines to be blacklisted by the NHS, which would prevent doctors from prescribing them.
Surely a more effective tactic would be casually to hint, in passing, that they might possibly not be quite as efficacious in treating some conditions as more conventional medicines claim to be.
Scientists have identified a strain of super-gonorrhoea in Leeds, Yorkshire. Lois Lane is reported to be “very worried”.